I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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