Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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