nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
