Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
