you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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