he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
