party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
