I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
