well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
