Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
