I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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