Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
