I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
3pm strippers are depressing
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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