physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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