I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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