There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
