I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
