so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
