We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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