You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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