Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
