Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
