I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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