he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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