the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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