I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
