I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
