I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
