***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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