marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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