3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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