Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
