dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
