did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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