Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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