No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
