I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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