there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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