my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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