And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
