I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
