I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
