Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
