So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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