It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
