Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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