You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize