You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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