I think I won the penis lottery.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
