OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
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Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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