Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
