An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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