grandma shit on top of the toilet
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
