And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
