Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
