The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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