she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
