I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
