I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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