So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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