My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
