Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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