i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The cops high fived after they tackled you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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