i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
