Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
