and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
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Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
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Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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