I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
