sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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